A Heartfelt Letter to Hollywood

Hollywood sign

VHS Revival’s heartfelt letter to the plagiaristic hacks of Hollywood

2017 began as a year filled with promise and the chance to start anew, but alas, you did not get the memo.

I don’t know if you were mourning the demise of Brangelina or were simply being lazy, but apparently this is turning into the year of the sequel. Trust me, originality is not dead. There are plenty of writers out there creating incredible stories. In her old age, Tinseltown is becoming complacent. She no longer looks to find new talent. Why bother when you can just crank out Fast and Furious 103? Hell, Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel will be ready for the Actors Home and still doing hand break turns in their wheelchairs.

In a last-ditch effort to try and knock some sense into the La La Land powers that be, I have decided to write a letter. This should be fun!

Dear Hollywood,

I was very excited at the prospect of new movies this year, only to be horribly disappointed. You have done it to me again. Just when I thought we could reconcile and move past our differences, you closed the door in my face.

Did I get transported into a temporal rift? Is it really 1989 again? I hope not because I don’t want to have to bust out all those horrendous shoulder pad power suits again. Keanu Reeves said there is some interest in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3. In the name of all that is holy, can we please not make this happen? It was fun back in the day but somehow two middle-aged morons trying to save the world seems a bit unrealistic. However, looking at the current state of political affairs…. moving on.

Bill & Ted

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. Can we use our AARP discounts, bro?

Could you please tell me is it some sort of mandatory rule that every 30 to 40 years we have to have a King Kong picture? Wasn’t the original movie good enough? In 1976, even Jeff Bridges couldn’t save the remake. Then along comes 2005 and guess what? Another King Kong movie. We didn’t ask for it but yet we got it.

Cut to 2017 and we have a new incarnation entitled, Kong: Skull Island. Maybe Sam Jackson and Tom Hiddleston can save this film, but I for one have my doubts and won’t be going to see it. Then again, you probably don’t care and in 2057 we will just get another Kong movie.

I really don’t understand the decision to greenlight this picture because the 1995 original didn’t do so well, but apparently we have short memories for these types of things. Now we are getting a new and improved version of The Power Rangers! Thanks for this, it was very thoughtful of you. Bryan Cranston is involved in this fiasco along with Elizabeth Banks, two very versatile actors who must have student loans to pay off or something. I guess this film will help kick off the new upcoming television show.


I love the 90s! N’Sync we’re comin’ for you!

Speaking of the 80’s, we are getting Die Hard 6. Even fans of the series were disappointed with the last few efforts but apparently this idea is unstoppable. When will it end, or will we be stuck in a perpetual loop of hell where a geriatric John McClane is still throwing terrorists off buildings?

Please, Hollywood. I know that I am one in a million and that you have others who love you more than I do but if you keep giving them the same lame sequels year in and year out, the passion is going to burn out. You have to keep things fresh and interesting. Why not mix it up? Remember how you used to love true indie films? The ones where the actors were people that weren’t Julia Roberts and Tom Cruise and the plots were really inventive and the directing was creative? Why don’t you turn your attention to some of those for a while?

Kind Regards,

A Fan


McClane receives some disturbing news from the fortune teller hotline.

Susan Leighton

VHS Revival is a non-profit venture. Any donation, no matter how small, will help towards the site’s running costs and ultimately enable us to grow. Thank you.

11 responses to “A Heartfelt Letter to Hollywood

  1. I second that, Susan. This is an issue I’ve written about at length on my own blog, but what it comes down to is this: Traumatized by the irretrievable loss of the analog world into which we came of age, Generation X (the one currently controlling Hollywood at present) has opted to retreat into the bedtime stories of our bygone youth, be it Star Wars or Star Trek or the superheroes of DC and Marvel Comics. In our inability to cope with finality, we have retarded the culture by recycling what Watchmen scribe Alan Moore calls “the ephemera of a previous century,” like junkies in need of a constant nostalgia fix. And as much as I blame Hollywood for enabling this addiction, perhaps an entire generation of middle-aged adults ought to start asking themselves why they get such a thrill out of seeing characters that were created to entertain children thirty-, forty-, fifty-odd years ago. What does that say about us… and is it too late to do something about it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will admit I do enjoy Star Trek & some of the Star Wars franchises. I realize we must provide entertainment for everyone. However, we also need to give new audiences something to strive for such as fresh ideas & new faces. Hollywood needs to take risks again before it becomes irrelevant. Thanks for reading & commenting, Sean!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I enjoy Star Wars and Star Trek, too, as I’ve written about! I just think we need to admit we’re making those films for us, not the kids of today. (And that goes for all the superhero movies, as well.) George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, et al., took the influences of their youth and created new stories for a new generation; but with all the remakes and “reboots” and sequels to those films that we produce, we’re essentially creating fan fiction to indulge our own sense of nostalgia. It’s culturally irresponsible.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I agree. Do you think it is a response to the current state of world affairs? Maybe we need that womb-like cocoon to envelope us because we can’t relate to the problems present in society? I think we are looking for a hero to save us, hence the preoccupation with the DC & Marvel universes. Let’s face it. We all borrow story ideas from the Greek & Roman playwrights. Shakespeare borrowed from them. The trick is to make it original which is what Lucas, Spielberg, Scorsese & Coppola excel at doing.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. We used to live in a linear world — one of beginnings, middles, and ends; one where events unfolded sequentially. Now we live in a “hyperlinked” digital reality in which events occur simultaneously. And we feel disempowered to effect change in that nonlinear paradigm; we are, after all, the last generation in the history of humanity that will have memory of the analog age. So we comfort ourselves with the recycled fairy tales of the pre–Digital Age — Star Wars, et al. — because they are a reminder of a simpler time, one in which we felt more empowered. And it’s no accident we’ve come to venerate superheroes like Batman and Iron Man, because these characters are agents of positive change in their fictional worlds, so their stories become an exercise in vicarious wish-fulfillment for an emotionally traumatized culture. But our disenfranchisement has become something of a self-fulfilling prophecy, as our insatiable fascination with children’s characters has left us self-infantilized. Is it any wonder the Millennials look at us and say, “There’s a generation that’s always looking behind them. No one is ever innovating, or keeping an eye on the horizon. Guess it’s up to us…”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post! I don’t know if there is anything left in the Die Hard series. It’s been running on fumes for like the past two movies. But, what do I know. Apparently there are two more Fast & Furious movies in the works.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Always a fun read! I really love some of the indie horror films I’ve seen. They’re so much better than the mainstream ones. Sadly, we don’t see enough of them. Your comment about indie films brought this up in my mind lol.

    Liked by 2 people

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