VHS Revival’s heartfelt letter to the plagiaristic hacks of Hollywood
2017 began as a year filled with promise and the chance to start anew, but alas, you did not get the memo.
I don’t know if you were mourning the demise of Brangelina or were simply being lazy, but apparently this is turning into the year of the sequel. Trust me, originality is not dead. There are plenty of writers out there creating incredible stories. In her old age, Tinseltown is becoming complacent. She no longer looks to find new talent. Why bother when you can just crank out Fast and Furious 103? Hell, Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel will be ready for the Actors Home and still doing hand break turns in their wheelchairs.
In a last-ditch effort to try and knock some sense into the La La Land powers that be, I have decided to write a letter. This should be fun!
I was very excited at the prospect of new movies this year, only to be horribly disappointed. You have done it to me again. Just when I thought we could reconcile and move past our differences, you closed the door in my face.
Did I get transported into a temporal rift? Is it really 1989 again? I hope not because I don’t want to have to bust out all those horrendous shoulder pad power suits again. Keanu Reeves said there is some interest in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3. In the name of all that is holy, can we please not make this happen? It was fun back in the day but somehow two middle-aged morons trying to save the world seems a bit unrealistic. However, looking at the current state of political affairs…. moving on.
Could you please tell me is it some sort of mandatory rule that every 30 to 40 years we have to have a King Kong picture? Wasn’t the original movie good enough? In 1976, even Jeff Bridges couldn’t save the remake. Then along comes 2005 and guess what? Another King Kong movie. We didn’t ask for it but yet we got it.
Cut to 2017 and we have a new incarnation entitled, Kong: Skull Island. Maybe Sam Jackson and Tom Hiddleston can save this film, but I for one have my doubts and won’t be going to see it. Then again, you probably don’t care and in 2057 we will just get another Kong movie.
I really don’t understand the decision to greenlight this picture because the 1995 original didn’t do so well, but apparently we have short memories for these types of things. Now we are getting a new and improved version of The Power Rangers! Thanks for this, it was very thoughtful of you. Bryan Cranston is involved in this fiasco along with Elizabeth Banks, two very versatile actors who must have student loans to pay off or something. I guess this film will help kick off the new upcoming television show.
Speaking of the 80’s, we are getting Die Hard 6. Even fans of the series were disappointed with the last few efforts but apparently this idea is unstoppable. When will it end, or will we be stuck in a perpetual loop of hell where a geriatric John McClane is still throwing terrorists off buildings?
Please, Hollywood. I know that I am one in a million and that you have others who love you more than I do but if you keep giving them the same lame sequels year in and year out, the passion is going to burn out. You have to keep things fresh and interesting. Why not mix it up? Remember how you used to love true indie films? The ones where the actors were people that weren’t Julia Roberts and Tom Cruise and the plots were really inventive and the directing was creative? Why don’t you turn your attention to some of those for a while?