The Glimmer Man (1996)

The Glimmer Man poster

Tagline: Two good cops. One bad situation.

Director: John Gray

Writer: Kevin Brodbin

Starring: Steven Seagal, Keenen Ivory Wayans, Bob Gunton, Brian Cox, John M. Jackson, Michelle Johnson, Stephen Tobolowsky, Pter Jason, Ryan Cutrona, Richard Gant, Johnny Strong, Robert Mailhouse, Jesse Stock, Alexa PenaVega, Nikki Cox, Wendy Robie, Dennis Cockrum, Blake Lindsley, George Fisher, Michael Bryan French

18 | 1hr 31min | Action/Comedy

Budget: $45,000,000 (estimated)


Review

Seagal has starred in so many second-rate movies you sometimes forget he was once a rather formidable action star.

Back in his mid-90’s prime he starred in some pretty decent efforts, the kind with enough of a budget to attract some top-level acting talent. Take The Glimmer Man for example. Keenan Ivory Wayans may not be first choice when it comes to a fast-talking sidekick, but he’s too good for the kind of bargain-basement efforts Seagal now stars in. Similarly, Manhunter‘s Brian Cox and The Shawshank Redemption‘s Bob Gunton are both very fine actors whose mere presence can elevate any old nonsense thrown at them, and for the most part they are able to do that here.

Seagal Carrot

Seagal chews on a carrot (circa 2017)

That’s not taking anything away from from our leading man. His support may provide the acting pedigree, but the movie’s marquee attraction proves just as valuable. His ego may be as inflated as a Zeppelin, his roles may ooze hypocrisy, but by 1996 Seagal had the smugly confident, borderline-reprehensible hero down to a tee, his sardonic aura and cod philosophies yet to suffer from the exhausting overkill of an actor who would one day squeeze out action fodder the way mortal men crimp loaves.

Another thing that is easy to forget is that Seagal was once in tip-top shape and could kick some pretty serious ass. Nobody destroys flimsy Hollywood sets with more understated panache than the prick with the ponytail, and this is probably one of his better efforts in getting the balance between combat and comedy just right, although in the realms of joyously overblown action vehicles The Glimmer Man proves just a little tepid. 

This was in large part due to budget restrictions. The original screenplay featured many more blockbuster moments for a movie that was initially intended to be a much more lavish production, but scenes featuring a bomb on a boat and Seagal’s confrontation with a SWAT team were nixed, as was the movie’s original finale, a guns-blazing encounter at the LA museum.

Seagal Beads

Like everything else in his life, Seagal’s taste in jewellery was exquisite . . .

This time around Seagal plays the suitably ludicrous and contradictory Lieutenant Jack Cole, a green tea drinking, prayer bead wearing, Chinese remedy advocating mass murderer with a badge. Cole is a pacifist who only strikes back, which fortunately for him is several times daily. He is also a spiritual philosopher who carries bladed credit cards for slitting several throats at once, you know, just in case the opportunity arises while on duty. Good luck explaining that one to the captain!

Actually, Cole’s new partner, Detective Jim Campbell (Wayans), does just that, but el capitano isn’t interested in the behaviour of the reckless nut job running roughshod over his precinct, and Campbell is forced to snoop into Cole’s past as the two investigate a series of gruesome murders which have all the hallmarks of a serial killer. This is a cut-and-shut case in the eyes of any mortal cop, but our enigmatic lieutenant quickly realises that something is rotten in Denmark, deducing that the murders are actually the work of a pro masquerading as a psycho in order to tie up loose ends for the Russian Mafia. So yes, you can now add clairvoyance to his ego-driven repertoire.  

Seagal Jacket

. . . as was his taste in jackets.

Inevitably, Cole becomes the mafia’s next target, and after his fingerprints are found at the scene of a double hit he becomes a prime suspect in the murder of his ex-wife — not the best predicament for a man who designs deadly weapons for the purpose of street-bound genocide. What those who framed him didn’t count on is that Cole’s surreptitious past is rather formidable, portraying him as a superhuman assassin who acquired his ‘Glimmer Man’ label back in ‘Nam, before inevitably disappearing to Thailand to become a Buddhist monk. Quite preposterous, although In Seagal’s mind perhaps a simple case of art imitating reality.

Why should I be so presumptuous, you ask? Well, for one thing, Seagal subjected an already heavily edited screenplay to further interference relating to his spiritual beliefs. According to co-star Stephen Tobolowsky, a reborn Steve no longer wanted to kill villains in his movies, which is presumably why he went on to kill them for two more decades. In the end, Tobolowsky convinced Seagal that his murderous character would be be reincarnated as something pure thanks to his divine hand, a pandering notion that seemed to do the trick, at least temporarily. After many a sleepless month battling with his own conscience, the ass-kicking multimillionaire rallied to have the outcome changed yet again, and even provided dubbing for an alternate ending that was never used. You just couldn’t write this shit!

Glimmer Man

Lieutenant Cole admires his partner’s shiny bald head.

If movies like 1995‘s Die Hard With a Vengeance went some way to rejuvenating the buddy formula during the mid-90s, this one is straight off the rental conveyor belt. It has all the ingredients for a typical odd-couple cop affair, but thanks to a lack of meaningful chemistry from our leading men it doesn’t quite bear fruit, the movie’s screenplay failing to communicate the kind of emotional connection that keeps you rooting for the film’s protagonists as a unit.

The Glimmer Man cost a whopping $45,000,000 to produce, resulting in a Box Office loss of almost $25,000,000, which would prove something of an indicator as to the direction in which Seagal’s career would soon be heading. Even so, this is a pretty enjoyable exercise in mindless violence, with enough silliness to raise the occasional smile, while the action sequences, though few and far between, are sufficient to keep the cheap thrills chugging along. 

As a side note, I struggle to recall a movie in which so many bodies crash through so many windows, and if you ask me, the sight of our protagonist’s gold, quilted jacket is enough to justify 90 minutes of anyone’s life.



Best Kill

Surrounded by a gang of heavily armed Russian Mafioso, Lieutenant Cole sardonically apologises for his partner’s attitude as he squirms on the concrete after being decked with the butt end of a rifle. He then offers his would-be-assassins double what their client had agreed to pay them for rubbing him out, procuring a blade-tipped credit card and slitting all of their throats in one swift motion.

Most Absurd Moment

After getting into it with a highly skilled assassin, Cole sends the man crashing through a plate glass window. This is the same assassin who has been imitating the work of a serial killer by crucifying his victims, and here he receives a quite improbable dose of poetic justice, landing on a spiked gate in a manner that echoes the deaths of his victims.

Best Use of a Window

Thanks to his ties with Cole, Detective Campbell also becomes the subject of assassination, and is soon hijacked in his home and left to burn. As if matters couldn’t get any worse, he then realises that the man has ruptured the apartment’s gas pipe, fleeing an explosion which takes out the entire building by smashing through the window of his apartment and falling three stories onto the roof of a car.

Hope he didn’t wake the neighbours.

Best Use of Two Windows

Taking charge of a hostage situation involving a psychotic high school pupil and his terrified classmates, Detective Cole takes the pacifist route, placing his gun down on the table in favour of trying to understand the boy’s motives. Unfortunately, Johnny is a seriously messed-up puppy, inevitably turning his weapon on himself. Taking the initiative, Cole quickly tackles the student before he can commit suicide, sending him crashing through one window and soaring thirty feet through the window of the building opposite.

Most Absurd Dialogue

After trashing a restaurant with a bunch of bad guy extras, an exceedingly smug Lieutenant Cole intercepts a booking request via a ringing telephone.

Lieutenant Cole: Hello, Lento’s. No, no, no; that won’t work. We’re closed for renovation. I’d say . . .  [looks around at his handiwork] . . .  two months. Yeah. Thanks.


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rtape rtape rtape btape btape

Landing somewhere between Se7en and The Last Boy Scout, The Glimmer Man is a derivative flop which saw Seagal’s profile plummet, but in spite of a relatively weak plot and lack of onscreen chemistry, I rather enjoyed the silliness, and the notoriously arrogant actor is fairly likeable as the supercilious Cole. Wait a minute, did I just write that?

Cedric Smarts




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